So, after work today, I got home to the frat house to find out that the boys’ blood drive went swimmingly well. They raised 23 units of blood, which was said to be enough to save 75 lives. But in that true frat boy fashion, they really just used the blood drive to their advantage. The person that informed them that alcohol hits you faster after you donate blood is a bad, bad person. I came home to a couple drunk people on the porch. And that is how I found out that another brother smoked a cigarette, after being warned to wait at least 30 minutes after giving blood and passed out! Crazy kids.

Then I went rollerblading up the LSD bike path with Lynn. I spotted a guy squatting along side a rock wall. His back was to the wall and his hands looked to be firmly planted up against the rock. I quickly noticed that his jeans were down to his knees and averted my eyes. THE DUDE WAS TAKING A [DUMP] IN PLAIN SIGHT OF THE BIKE PATH!!! I must have said something to tip Lynn off so she turned to look. She looked for like 5 seconds before realizing what was going on, and we both started laughing about it. In fact we made jokes about it the whole night. The best part was that there was a washroom not 100 yards up the bike path.

Of course, it is only March, maybe it was locked.

Let’s see if I can even do this story justice…

I put together a group of about 13 people to see a midnight showing of V for Vendetta. We had just gotten out of the theater and were walking the 5 blocks back to the L when Jacques called me over to him. He pointed out that we were being followed by a guy who was yelling quite angrily at us about the antichrist and some other biblical things.

We considered ways to mess with the guy as because really, why all the hate at 12:30 in the morning? Not to mention the fact that no one had even spoken a single word to him.

Finally, I just decided to go see if I could calm him down. I walked over and asked him where he was from. Deep down, I wanted this guy to be from some bible thumping suburb, because I tend to think that people living in the city are more tolerant and open. I’m sure that this logic is flawed and that there are exceptions to the rule, but in my opinion, why live in the city when you hate (and feel the need to lecture) most of the people around you?

This is where the fun began. He instantly snapped out of pissed off mode and suddenly seemed happy that he had someone to talk to. He said he lived up in Wrigleyville and then started to talk about revelations. I listened, patiently waiting for my chance to lob some tough questions in his direction. He started with the doom and gloom, earth will burn stuff. Then he said that he had seen one of the four horsemen and went on to describe him/her. After that it was on to the four angels who would stand on the four corners of the earth. When asked about how the earth, a sphere, could have corners, he paused, thought a moment and said “Yeah, I had wondered about that too.”

After that, he mentioned that he had seen an angel up near Belmont. There was some confusion as to whether this was one of the angels that would stand on the four corners of the world, or just some random angel that he had seen. The description of the angel went as follows: big guy in a sweatshirt and jeans who could have played linebacker for Notre Dame. He also started talking about the angels wings, but I couldn’t make out whether he said big wings or bat wings. Anyways, he shifted gears on us in the middle of talking about the angel.

Somewhere in there, he decided he would rather talk about the vision he was given from G-d. This was probably the most lucid, descriptive nonsense I have ever heard in my life. His vision was given to him on November the 2nd, 2003. At some point he also called it a dream, but I would say this was pretty lucid even for a dream. In the vision, he saw a person lying on the ground. One of the feet was cut off but the ankle wound was not bleeding. The other foot had a white sock and black shoe. There was a square pit. There was a gash going diagonally across the stomach. There were also body parts lying all around this person. The body was lying on a path and there were curved trees on the left and straight trees on the right. There was more, but I cannot remember it all (anyone want to add?).

Then he shifted gears onto his second vision. This one happened during the first week of January, 2004. It was sometime between 2 and 4 AM and he was walking down Franklin over by the Green Door (a bar), when he Jesus spoke to him. Jesus said something like “You are saved.” Not only that, but 4 seconds later Satan also spoke to him and said “Sad, but delicious.” At the sound of Satan’s voice (who we thought was only speaking to him personally), a number of people ran out of the bar shouting about the holy ghost being inside them. We tried to ask the man how he knew that Jesus’ and Satan’s voices were real, because, having never met Jesus, how would you know what their voice sounded like? He then told us that when the Lord speaks to you, there’s no doubt as to it being the Lord, apparently this held true for Satan as well.

At this point we had reached our destination, and the guy decided to turn north as we headed south. This conversation was the topic for almost the entire way home. I had to share.

Here’s a quick one from last weekend I have to post.

I was down at the South Side Irish Parade with Jacques and we ran into a couple of his friends. One of said friends was Connor. Connor was there with a big group of people, his mom, his sister and a number of friends. The parade had ended, people were walking back to their cars and we were all standing on the easement near Connor’s car having / drinking the prerequisite Guinness/Bailey’s/Jameson and conversing. Like you do.

At some point a group of dudes walked by, one of whom was wearing a kilt. I wasn’t paying attention but apparently Connor’s sister (28/29?) just decided to ask what was under the kilt? Most people should know that this is a bad question to ask a dude in a kilt. I mean, hadn’t she seen Braveheart? Anyways, the dude went ahead and lifted up the kilt to show off his goods and yelled “GREEN PUBES!” Oh boy.

It was at this point (I think it was that someone was yelling) that I turned to look. And I saw Connor’s sister winding up to slap the hell out of this guy’s [junk]. I mean, her elbow was shoulder high, and her open palm was up over her head. She apparently has reflexes like a freaking ninja because this guy had no time to get the [heck] out dodge. She connected with much velocity. He stumbled backwards a couple of steps and then continued up the street, probably out of sheer terror from this woman. Everyone laughed out of the sheer randomness of this exchange, but secretly we all wept inside for this guy. No man deserves that.

On his way down the block he reconnected with his friends and we saw him pointing back at us, probably telling his boys that should they ever see this woman to run, as fast as they can, in the other direction. After a minute or two had passed, she looked down at her hands and saw that one of her nails was broken. Yes, that’s right.

SHE BROKE ONE OF HER NAILS ON HIS [PIECE].

Dear Gods, why?

Fin.

(For the record, I love zombies. They are my favorite topic)

Danger Crane: so, how’s wesley?

Lynn: haha…sick

Lynn: L

Danger Crane: same as you, or something else?

Lynn: but hey, at least i get another set of doc’s takin a look at what this is

Lynn: he’s at the LSU clinic right now

Lynn: clinic*

Danger Crane: oh boy

Danger Crane: so, if this keeps spreading and turning people into zombies, i just want you to know, i will have no problem blowing your head off to keep from being bitten

Lynn: ok well it seems like there has to be more going on than just breathing for people to catch it

Lynn: cuz the roomies are all still safe…all 4 of them

Lynn: so unless we have a wild crazy night together, i think you are probably ok

Danger Crane: of course, havent you ever watched a zombie movie? it’s in the bite, love

Lynn: of course then i better watch Jame for symptoms

Lynn: hehe

Lynn: well you’ll just hafta hold me down next time i come at you biting…

Danger Crane: like i said, zombie lynn goes down

Lynn: oh jeez

Danger Crane: then i will meet up with other people, in a farmhouse

Lynn: do i even wanna know?

Danger Crane: no, i keed i keed

Lynn: haha and you’ll all end up dying in the morning anyway

Lynn: that movie i HAVE seen

Danger Crane: the one chick lives, ok

Lynn: although i preferred Shaun of the Dead

Danger Crane: now, if i took shelter in a mall

Danger Crane: then i would be ok

Lynn: ahh haven’t seen the remake

Lynn: haha of course!

*Later*

Lynn: eh, i got nothing

Lynn: which is good for you

Danger Crane: good

Danger Crane: i like it when it is good for me

Lynn: if my evil genius was working we’d all be in trouble. luckily i’m sick

Danger Crane: was it good for you too?

Lynn: haha quite

Lynn: watch out. i may have just passed the plague on to you

Danger Crane: you wish you were good enough to do it without the biting

Lynn: damn!

Lynn: i’ll get you one of these days

Lynn: or better yet…i’ll get Emily

Lynn: mu ahahahaha

Danger Crane: ooh, you evil evil person

Lynn: then you’ll get it without even knowing!

Danger Crane: eh, i’ll know, i’ll just like it

Lynn: true, true

Danger Crane: not that i wouldnt like it from you, just there’s that whole Wes thing

Danger Crane: you know, politics

Lynn: eh ya know

Lynn: it happens

Lynn: call me 5 months ago and youda probably had a deal

Lynn: but i wouldn’t have been sick then, so no death plague

Danger Crane: see, and my zombie fantasies

Danger Crane: not realized

Lynn: tsk tsk